Masturdating: Because We lovin’ Ourselves in 2018, Ladies

Happy November 1st! Or should I say Happy Birthday Month to me! I love November, not just because of my birth, but also because it’s officially Fall—in my book. Which means, it’s cuffing season, ladies. If you’re not familiar with the term, let me enlighten you. Cuffing season is a relatively new term, which as defined by urban dictionary, means:

During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.

Basically, you exclusively hook-up with one dude for the winter months because it’s too cold to go out and face the horrors of endless “first dates.” Can’t relate? Probably because you live somewhere where it gets 40 degrees for 3 days and you can easily remedy ANY cold weather by not having to walk more than five feet anywhere because you have a CAR (I’m not bitter).

Since living in this fridged wasteland, I’ll be the first to say I was down for this. Actually experiencing the cold here and thinking about going on a lack-luster first date is it’s own American Horror Story. So, you deal with someone that can best be described as “meh” so you don’t have to face the cold and let’s be real, the holidays, alone. Sounds great? Wrong-o. This turns out to be its own hell where you end up making this more than it really is and feeling exhausted giving 95% while the guy give 5%. Next thing ya know you’re back where you started and a touch more bitter than you were previously.

SO WHAT IS A SINGLE GAL TO DO? Let me introduce you to ”masturdating,” AKA my new favorite word I learned from my beautiful friend, LaurelDid I read that right? Probs not,but allow me to fix that. What does this mean? Again, we travel back to Urban Dictionary:

In this lewd yet satisfying activity, one will engage on an ordinary date with his/herself and with the objective to impress and please only themselves.

If you’ve ever watched Sex in the City, this might sound a little familiar. They devoted one episode where Carrie basically dates herself (and New York?) and has a marvelous time hanging out by herself−some other stuff happens, but I digress. In a city with a plethora of things to do, I highly suggest dating yourself. When I first moved here and had zero friends, I did things by myself all the time. It takes a second to get used to and feels a little awkward, but start small. The easiest thing to do by yourself, is the movies. The lights stay on for a few minutes and then everyone shuts up and you’re all in the dark for 2 hours. No one will even notice you enjoying your candy by yourself and living your best life! I’ve done this a bunch of times when it was rainy and I just wanted a quiet day not spent in my apartment. I’ve sat in the park and read a book on a nice day and even taken myself to lunch—usually just pick a quiet place or a weird off-time. One day I may even take myself to dinner (which honestly, sounds a little scary).

If you read this and your first thought is why would I want to hangout by myself, that sounds so boring. Ask yourself why anyone else would wanna hangout with you if you don’t even wanna hangout with you? *mic drop*

 

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