The Dating App Conundrum

When I moved here for an internship my junior year of college, I was the queen of dating apps. I really only used Bumble (this was pre-Hinge) and found pretty decent success. I was broke and knew absolutely no one so dating apps were fun when I was bored and wanted to do something in the city. I also lived in the East Village, which is prime for dating and going out in your 20’s. It gave me some much needed distraction and hey, summer of fun in the city. 

In college back home, I never used them. I had enough success—or should I say I had enough “distractions” going out to bars that I really just didn’t need them. I definitely used them when I was bored and needed a confidence boost, but never really dated anyone from them. I always felt like I had to be constantly talking to someone, so any lull in my boy-craziness needed to be filled with a stint on a dating app that I would give up a week later.

Since moving here, I picked it back up again. I would say 9 out of 10 times are usually a bust. Since I actually live here now and it’s not just a summer vacation, it’s almost a chore. Out of the dates I’ve been on in the last year, only 2 have made it past the first date and only 1 further than that. I was listening to a podcast and a comedian said it best, “I don’t use dating apps because the “vibe” I give off online is not really me. You don’t usually like someone just based on pictures, it’s peoples energy.” I try way too hard on dating apps to sound funny and original, therefore I look like a weirdo. I try to match with people who also sound funny and original on dating apps, therefore I match with guys who aren’t my type more often than not. No idea why that is.

I’d first like to point out some weirdos and just general funny stuff that seems to happen only on dating apps. Ladies, read it and weep—with laughter:

First, let’s start off with some weird trend I’ve been noticing (that definitely need an explanation and a cease and desist):

When answering the question “The last time you cried was…,” an ALARMING amount of men have said the movie Click. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s that really horrible movie with Adam Sandler aka basically every movie he’s in ever. The fact that enough men are crying during this movie that I’ve noticed is so horrible I don’t wanna think about it.  Adam god-damn Sandler, I can’t. 

When asked about their last meal, chicken parmesan is a very popular answer. I think I’ve eaten that once in my whole life. Not a bad choice, but so weird. I guess it’s better than saying pizza, but really only one step up.

Job title as “looking” or “entrepreneur” translates in my brain to “unemployed and will take you to a dive bar and split it.” Just make something up related to what you do or put what you WERE doing, duh.

Linked Instagram accounts: mixed feelings about these because sometimes they add more pictures of the guy. HOWEVER, some people should not. For example, if your entire Instagram is you doing “motivational” videos. I also ran into a guy who had an entire Instagram of….boats. Like maybe keep a little mystery going into date 1, just a thought.

Here’s some gems I managed to screenshot and am very happy I did:

Just trying to match with the general population. Nothing specific
Who’s gonna tell this guy it’s 2018 and everyone has seen Star Wars….
I think I’ll go out to dinner. I don’t fancy being cooked???
Is he here just to make friends??
Can’t communicate, someone help him
Do you live in New York City, yes or no?
This was a solid burn and I don’t feel bad. Okra is DISGUSTING
Thanks Justin! 
33,000 people at LSU but yep, toooootally know him. Also serial killer response
this guy never matched with me because he doesn’t like to be corrected. I really wanna know if he fixed the spelling, it haunts me everyday.
This guy never matched with me either, I mean COMEON he probably never got something so funny he didn’t know how to handle it.
I hope this guy found love cause he deserves it

Lastly, I’d like to say that men are still out here, in 2018, thinking selfies are okay. They are not. Please, please stop taking shirtless pictures, pictures in your car (???), pictures in your bathroom mirror with your leg on the sink (this is a real picture I saw of a guy who had the AUDACITY TO MATCH WITH ME. If you want to see it DM me). I know for a fact your mom makes you take pictures every Christmas, your fired who are girls take pictures of you or get your bro to take one I DONT CARE. No selfies in 2019 thank you. 

Needless to say, I deleted them all recently. I think it’s a good idea to take breaks from dating apps. I haven’t in a while and I have to say I really don’t miss it. If it gets monotonous, delete it. You don’t need to waste energy and good makeup on a boring date! All the power to you if you like them and you met your boyfriend/husband/soulmate, but I’m tired and its getting cold as hell. I’ll be watching Christmas movies and hanging with my friends until further notice.


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