Can I just say this was the longest year of my life?
I’ve learned a lot about myself that I didn’t know. I did things I never thought I would do. I definitely feel like I’ve matured a lot for just one year, but my 25 year old self might read this and internally groan—who’s to say?
Winter…was rough. Let’s start with the good! I discovered that snow storms are simultaneously amazing and horrifying. You’re scared your pipes will freeze and your heat will go out, but its so quiet and pretty to watch you’ll think you’re actually in heaven. Spent some fun times with Ruby (shout-out to Ruby because I really think I would’ve moved, had I not met her) doing things on my New York bucket list and eating some amazing food. Discovered some cool places near my apartment – like a bakery full of cat things and a place where I frequented to get bagel sandwiches. Christmas in New York is so cute and exciting to be a part of. Pushed myself to learn new things and tried to do things solo to make myself as happy as possible.
When I wrote my “goals” for 2018 and my year in a video, I was in a weird place. I was just starting to feel lonely, sad and very nostalgic. This feeling would definitely be an overriding emotion for the rest of the winter. I don’t know if it was what you’d call “seasonal depressive disorder” or just some serious growing pains, but I would say the winter was hard for me. I spent the majority of the time feeling unsuccessful and beating myself up frequently for not having my life look the way I’d pictured it when I moved to the city. Not just in my career, which I’ve talked about, but in all aspects of my life. I didn’t make a bunch of friends like I assumed I would. I spent 6 months in an apartment I hated and lived above a bar—unsurprisingly the worst place I’ve ever lived. I also went on a clump of last-luster dates and even one with a guy I can confidently say was a (borderline) sociopath. Everything about life doesn’t change immediately. I would say the weekends were hard when I had no plans and was stuck in my loud apartment with nothing to do.
Thankfully, Spring actually came after what felt like a trillion years. I made some really awesome friends and finally had a group that I felt were really my people. I moved to a new apartment and actually enjoyed being at there instead of feeling trapped.
In the summer of 2018, I finally quit my job in order to find something I really loved, which I did. Spent time doing things that inspired me and also had a lot of fun draining all my bank accounts.
Fall was definitely a big blur, but in a good way. I turned another year older with the best people I could ask for. Spent some much needed time at home, and for once, coming back to the city felt exciting instead of dreadful.
Of course, dating life is still pending, but three out of four ain’t bad!
One year ago, I was slightly sad, but very hopeful. I knew my life now would not be the way it was then. I was right and couldn’t be happier about it. Here’s to more crazy times and doing things that scare the crap out of me.